$19​.​99

from Fiesta Time by John Voorhees

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lyrics

Don't be fooled by imitations
This here's the genuine
You can quickly tell the difference
In the light this baby shines, oh how it shines
And you know that you can take it home
For only $19.99

Be the envy of your neighbors
And the idol of your friends
It's a wonder in the kitchen
And a marvel in the den, it's dynamic in the den
Go on and call the toll-free number
You know this chance won't come again

There's a man in Minnesota who didn't heed the call
And now he's in the hospital, it could happen to us all
But in the Carolinas there's a very happy pair
Put one on their porch and now they're multi-millionaires

It's described by ancient legend
From distant lands afar
You don't need a fancy holder
No, you can just keep it in a jar, a screw-top mason jar
And you will throw away your microwave, your golf clubs and your VCR

Well I could just go on for hours
But don't take it from me
You can read it in the paper
Or you can watch it on TV, right there on your TV
Cuz it's the end to all your problems
Satisfaction guaranteed
(Subject to a few minor conditions)

Like a circle in a circle, a wheel within a wheel
When something this good comes along you just have to close the deal
There's no end to the regret you're gonna feel if you say no
And the sooner that you buy it then the sooner I can go

But there's no need to hurry
I just know you'll wanna sign
Take a look at that upholstery
And the art deco design, what a beautiful design
And you know that you can take it home
For only $19.99

credits

from Fiesta Time, released August 1, 2006

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John Voorhees Gulfport

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